Divorce Step by Step
Couples that had a rocky relationship prior to COVID-19 were forced to spend countless hours together, and that did not bode well for many of those marriages.
If you were one of those couples, the thoughts of divorce that were lingering in the back of your mind have jumped to the forefront, and it’s clear that you want to begin divorce proceedings.
Divorce today looks very different from the way it did before the pandemic; courts are extremely backed up because of the shutdowns, so getting in front of a judge for a divorce proceeding quickly is unlikely. The delay for in-person cases may actually help couples looking to divorce, as it forces them to consider resolutions that differ from the traditional courtroom method.
These Alternative Dispute Resolutions (ADR) can actually save time, money, and a whole lot of headaches.
But where do you start?
A Collaborative divorce is one option that is available to you immediately.
Considered the “kinder, gentler”, family-focused way to divorce, a Collaborative divorce keeps contentious, expensive courtroom drama far away.
Rather than beginning a legal battle between the spouses, participants in a Collaborative divorce understand that family members will probably run into each other for many years to come, at graduations, weddings, funerals, and other family events, so it’s smart for them to work out an amicable solution that will minimize the stress and disruption for everyone involved, particularly for the children.
The Collaborative Process is a fresh approach to those facing the prospect of divorce. Couples facing separation and divorce encounter many challenges, especially when children are involved. Parents must resolve important issues with significant thought to the after-effects.
The Collaborative approach has the spouses work together to problem-solve and explore options. It reduces significantly the pain, heartache, and expense of what could be a very difficult process.
The best part is that a judge--who knows neither you nor your spouse--does not make the decisions that will impact you and your family. You work with attorneys, mental health coaches, financial consultants, child specialists, and any other professionals as needed to help you and your spouse reach an equitable agreement.
And it’s always confidential.
In the first step, you and your spouse decide if you want to begin with a Collaboratively-trained divorce attorney or a divorce coach who specializes in the mental health impact of divorce.
If you chose an attorney, you and your spouse chose two different attorneys who will guide you. If you start with a coach, he or she will meet together with you and your spouse so you both get the same information.
Next, you both sign a “Collaborative Law Participation Agreement” that says you will not take the case to court. (If you do go to court, you will have to start the process over with new attorneys.) It also outlines the pace at which the divorce will proceed.
Communication is a key part of this agreement, and it states that both of you will deal with each other “fully, frankly, and respectfully; to participate with integrity; and to negotiate in good faith.”
Of course, any urgent family issues that require immediate intervention will be addressed immediately.
Say goodbye to nasty, oppositional, confrontational formal letters that are usually a part of the litigation process. Instead,you, your spouse, and your team will meet for settlement conferences, taking your individual needs into consideration. Communication will be high, and stress will be reduced without a court appearance looming over you. It is during this step--with less time needed by the lawyers and in court--that much money is saved.
Once all options have been explored and everyone has agreed to the terms, a Marital Settlement Agreement is drafted. Your attorney will file the paperwork with the court, which can be a Complaint for Divorce for a settled case, a hearing is held, and your divorce becomes final.
Family Law Attorney Corinne DeStefano, of DeStefano Law, in Chatham, NJ, specializes in Alternative Dispute Resolution, Matrimonial and Family Law, Mediation, and Collaborative Divorce. She is the president of the New Jersey Collaborative Law Group; an adjunct professor of Family Law in the Paralegal program at Fairleigh Dickinson; and is a guest speaker for the Collaborative unit of an alternative divorce resolution program at Seton Hall Law, and on business and community Collaborative Law panel discussions.